My existence

What is my existence to this world?

I am a subject to the realities of life

My realities seem to be just a dream

How so ever, I maybe

The way I perceive life to be

This is me

Often my past pulls me down

And then my future excites me

Then there is my present

Giving me an existence in this world

A reason to be in the world

No matter how much I hate it

The biggest irony in this life

Is to smile when things are harsh on you

Just to make yourself believe

That a smile makes a day brighter

It does, for a while

But you just can’t go on smiling forever

My thoughts often remain within me

Subdued inside a person in me

Stubborn as can be but very volatile too

Making life be practical and not think positively

Aiming aimlessly too high

And not knowing where she is going

People can often be confusing

I aint no exception

It’s the confused life that makes people explicable

And yet people never try to look within

The outside aint just everything

A bigger world, a bigger life, a bigger person.

Lives within every individual

Yet when I still question myself

What is my existence to this world?

I still get no answer

Because the answer is within myself

And until I don’t discover myself

I may never find out...

A Stranger Within

You were just like any other stranger
Stepped into my life just to go away one day
We talked about books, music and the rivers
Shared moments (nostalgic) as you would call it
But somehow, you were always a stranger within

We fought, we laughed and “I” cried
Closer we got with what I thought was “similarities”
Tried to put aside the few differences we had
We moved on, together (or not)
But somehow you were always a stranger within

I asked “what you want from me?”
You never did give me an answer to it
Questions we had plenty but answer we had none
We decided not to look for answers, let them show on their own
But somehow you were always a stranger within

I fell in love; thought love was to stay forever this time
You said you were in love too
Hell! It was easy for you to walk out on love
Who do I blame? My love or the stranger
Somehow you were always a stranger within

Tonight I hold whiskey, and a broken heart
I wait for the stranger who broke my heart
“Ok and who ever you are?”
Were the words that broke me forever, your last words to me. Because…
Somehow you were always a stranger within!

Of a sad one

Why do the stars that charms the night look sicken’d tonight?
A new year lies ahead of her, just a few hours to go
And the darkness of yesterdays overshadow the rays of a new life
High in the air, she meant to rise
Somehow, down below an ocean of sorrows is all she got
Hopes have faded away, in this waste of existence
Not a friend to cry or laugh with, cold and alone
All she has is the roar of the wind, echoes repeat
Her eyes once upon a time glanc’d for him
Two hearts throbb’d together, embraces no longer met
He buried them all for her
No more deep slumbers, no more songs to sing
A heart once broken keeps breaking again and again
He heart wither’d like the winter leaves
O’er the years, never once turned into a new leaf
As a willow tree o’er the river wept
She floated, like a swan in the river of life
Blue peaks in a distant land rose against the cold white sky
And as the wind hovers over her like a canopy of miseries
The darned world took away her soul!

The thoughts in my head

As the morning sun comes through my window
I smile, forcefully, hoping the day does me good

It’s the same old day
Nothing seems to change

My fear of being noticed makes me put on a veil
Tired of being asked awkward questions
I resort to a glass of wine

My morning, the every day of my life
The part of the day I dread the most
And why joys have I found?

Shutting the doors to life
What satisfaction has it given me?

Living behind closed doors
Like the dawn of the morning
How I wish my life was one

Wishes! Only if they turned into reality
The world would be my own

Desires! Only if I could control them
The world would have accepted me

Maybe that’s just the way life is
I tell myself
And then, I see happiness around me

Why aren’t I a part of it?

Questions after questions
Just makes my life confusing

Life’s questions and life’s realities
They just don’t seem right together

Or do they?

Time’s never right for anything
Not even for things you really want

Somehow, life always catches you
At the wrong foot, at the wrong time

Opportunities seem to have left me
To be on my own and wander

But the question again is

How far can I wander?

Without a destination, a dream, a realization

What am I without them?

Too many questions in life
And no one to answer them

Maybe the answers itself lies in the duality of life!

The anger in me

I often blow up, for reasons I know not
Coming out when it is least expected
Churns my insides, bringing tears
Destroying who I am, in and out
Leaving people thinking
Labelling me as a total bitch

Anger
Donot hit me hard
For I shall not wither
Nor shall I rise
You have often dictated my words and action
Making me un-ignore Buddha's beautiful words

"Give up anger; renounce pride;
transcend all worldly attachments
Whoever restrains rising anger like a chariot gone astray,
that one I call a real driver;
others merely hold the reins."

I quote Buddha's words
Each time anger hits me bad
Its a problematic human expression
Angry, nearly everyday of my life
But at times
Anger
Is the strongest way
To get emotions into words!

Answers

In answers I seek life
Questions are plenty
But answers are none
Answers
Disappear
Into the burden of life
Called 'questions'
If only answers
Showed me to life
To the greater meaning
Of being myself
Answers
Show yourseld up
I need answers
Answers to change life

Poets and Nature

Fallen leaves cackle as the cool wind shy away
As Robert Frost wrote about birches bending from left and right
Robert Burns writes about a red rose and his love

In the wilderness Robert Graves found tears
As a lover wept
The west wind blew, bringing the breath of Autumn's being

On a May morning, John Milton welcomed life
As the bright morning star came dancing
Saluting for living one more day

No lover has loved the beauty of nature
Like John Masefield did
Spring grass, the soft spring rain and the old chant of the sea

Lord Byron often dreamt
Of rayless, pathless and an icy earth
Scared of darkness taking over her, the universe

Fires blazed in the heavens of Christopher Brennan
The cicada's screamed, the trees cried for help
Nature poets wept

Robert Bridges bought back the snow-capped mountains
The rivers and the trees
Among the flowers, the heavenly air

Poets wrote about the beautiful mornings
And a paradise in nature
The last leaf shall never fall!

Shadows

Dim lights, feelings of darkness
Nothing but my shadow seen
Dark, alone, no companion
Emotionless
Haunted by memories
My vision darkens more
Shadow fades into darkness
Darkness hovers within
Somewhere in time
Shadows surpass all darkness

Solitude

Days
Are gone
Happiness
Yet to be felt
A face
Needs to be seen
A heart
Explored and left
Feelings
Keep changing
People
Come and go
Desires
Are always plenty
Hope
Is a new way of living
Life
is the answer to everything!

Feelings

Feeling you
I embrace myself
Listening to you
I can hear the world
Reading you
I read books for a lifetime
Talking to you
My world takes a different meaning
Being with you
My life is complete
Go away
And you take a part of me
Stay
And you add another part
Sigh!

US

Together, we shall hold on to each other
Making memories of us, we shall never say never
Laugh we must
Cry for each other (together) we definately must
We still stand strong
Hand in hand, we walk through life
Bringing smiles and happiness
Sometimes tears and sadness
What so ever we may be
We still are together
Together for ever
And we shall continue to remain "US" for all years to come!

Why does it still hurt?

Why does it still hurt?

I said I am over you
That I can live without you
I said I can get over you
That I don’t need you any more
But why does it still hurt?

I thought I was better off without you
Thought you didn’t matter to me
I thought I was going to hate you
Thought I can go on
But why does it still hurt?

I wanted to forget you
Wanted to free you
I wanted to ignore you
Wanted to get you out of my life
But why does it still hurt?

I have torn all your pictures
Have been happy without you
I have erased you from my life
Have been free without you
But why does it still hurt?

My life’s been singing songs
Since you left
My life’s been cheerful
Since I haven’t seen you
But why does it still hurt?

Mystery

Veiled in secrecy
She came from no where
When darkness rises, she comes alive

Beneath a black umbrella
She was a shaddy lady
No names, no directions

A seductive lover she was
Became the consort of men
One too many

Played just like a pawn
She knew no limits
But played on

Who was she?

A dark beauty
Sultry and erotic
In shrouds of mystery

Swept the men with her beauty
Left them heartbroken
Always wanting to know more

But she will come and go
Swift and gracefully
Disappear, to the unknown

Shinning in the dark
Glowing in the day
She was a shadow, no sun needed

Men wondered about her
Women, wondered what the men wondered
Only she knew what they all wondered about

Tears

Originating from a divine despair
Both in times of happiness and sorrows

Images of hopes against images of despair
It travels from the heart to the eyes

The more you try to fight it
It hurts you more

The moment you let it out
Every moment of feelings change

Falling like snowflakes
Quietly and slowly

Speaking words unspoken
As it rolls down your cheeks

Not all of it is visible
For some remain within

From the inside, looking out
Silently it falls

One often cant count it
Neither bring it back

Flowing from the depth
Into the outside

These are my tears
My beautiful tears